I have been looking for a way,
- a way to explore my improvisation practice further
- a way to feel happy with my dance practice and myself
- a way to keep my interests in dance, movement, space and the body
After some internet-surfing, I have found these blogs:
dance improvisation practices
It is fresh for me to see a couple of practitioners having conversations and deepening their thoughts through a blog. They are extremely open to let other people read and join in their thinking process. It is a real exploration into a matter without competitions of power, money or career.
My internet-surfing started in the confused state when I started looking at some pictures and video footage from Fragments. My own experience was profound during the creation and the performances. I have had so many discoveries on the construction of the narrative of the performance in relation to the original novel by Gogol, the architectural space in the family room at Clarence Mews, the installation by Jairo and Nicola and my own moving body. The process was like unfolding a secret that has been hiding under all the clutters of these objects. As repeating the improvisation performance, I started seeing "the truth" of this performance.
What I saw in still and moving images three weeks after the actual performance was very different. I was rather disappointed since I did not feel the images reflected my subjective narrative that I was so engaged to unfold.
I was also thinking the practicality of development and continuation of this project; looking for opportunities for funding and performance.
These two experiences of looking at a work from outside did not please me very much. I felt my mood getting low and low.
Then I ask myself "Why do I dance?"
When I started dancing, I enjoyed every single class I took. A class for 1.5 hour contained full of discoveries. I did not think where those classes would take me. I just enjoyed myself in the moment.
After 20 years (oh my god!), now I think a lot where my practices will take me and how my project can go further. And this is no fun.
I think my attitude now is no right. It does no good either.
Two blogs I mentioned at the beginning give some excitement to me. Yes I do enjoy the process of dance practice, rather than dance as product. And that's why I have been interested in improvisation these years. There are so much I can explore.
It is about the journey, not where I reach.