Thursday, 5 April 2007

Glow, Woking Dance Festival (and some thoughts on myself)

I have been dancing professionally for 12 years, and for the first time, I have had a FULL TIME contract as a performer.

Such luxury life. Focusing on one project without bothering with other activities like taking classes, teaching etc. No need to rush between a few places either. A day can be as simple as this.

After four weeks of rehearsals, we just finished the performances yesterday.

Glow, Woking Dance Festival 2007

How strange that my fellow dancers who spent four weeks together go completely different ways from today. Or maybe the other way around. How strange that all these different people happen to meet and work together for a project.

It was quite unusual project for me to work with nine other dancers, as I tend to work much smaller numbers of dancers. The group was absolutely intriguing. Everyone has an original nature as a person, and unique way of working as a dancer. I was blown up. I am too quiet. I am too shy. I am too held back. I am thinking too much. I am too serious... All these negative feelings let me down, and anyway these feelings do not help me, so I fought back and kept myself up.

This is somehow familiar place to be. I used to have this struggle always, but since I left a college, I did not have much chance to be there. My mood goes up and down. I like challenging myself though. I make a little challenge like a kid, like "Today I try to say whatever comes up in my mind", or "Today I try to chat with people"...etc.

So on this personal sideway along the main way of the creation of the work, I have experienced a lot. And this is what I needed right now.

The month before this project, I had Pilates teaching 4-5 days a week. Six hours a day. Being a Pilates teacher, I feel like I need to be almost perfect person. We teach people with injuries or problems, and we are dealing with someone's body (and also mind). I am not supposed to be very emotional either. Neutral presence. That's what I am aiming for.

This attitude does not work as a dancer. A dancer needs to have more subjective view, which can bring the one's input in the creation.

How can I balance these two positions?

This is my current question.

A Craniosacral therapy session has given me a good idea for this (and probably this is not a usual reaction to the therapy). If I think the neutral presence in Pilates teaching as zero, it is not an ideal to stay at the zero point all the time though I was probably thinking that way. It is important to come back to zero sometimes to find a ground for myself, but the ground would become harder if I jump up and down or sift side to side widely.

So this is what I want to practise from now on, being back to my less exciting life... No, let's make it more exciting.

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